Exit Laughing

A STORY BY JAN ADDISON

"ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THIS REMAKE OF 'FINAL FLIGHT"?" OLD "GREAT MOGUL 'S" BASS ROAR FILLED EVEN HIS COLOSSAL PLUSHY OFFICE.

DARE AMORY GAVE HIM THE SLOW NOO AND IRONIC GRIN SO LOVED BY FANS AND IMITATED BY TEENAGERS FROM END TO END OF THE COUNTRY. "THAT'S RIGHT, G.M." SHE KNEW HOW HIS NICKNAME TICKLED HIM AND HOW LITTLE HE'D LIKE THE REST SHE HAD TO SAY. "YOU'LL NEVER GET ME INTO IT UNLESS...'

"MIGOD, GIRL, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" HE WAS BELLOWING NOW. "YOU KNOW WHAT THE BOX-OFFICE TAKE WAS ON THE 1940 JOB WITH GAIL HAYDON? AND YOU'D BEAT HER MORE THE TYPE. NOT THAT YOU LOOK LIKE AMANDA GEBHARD, THANK GOD, BUT..."

"I WISH I DID!"

"CHRIST, YOU ARE FLIPPING!... WHAT I MEAN, YOUR BUILD, THAT WALK YOU CAN PUT ON, THE WHOLE EFFECT. GET YOU IN THOSE FLYER'S SUITS THEATERS'LL NEED BUILT-IN RIOT SQUADS TO HOLD THE BOBBY-SOXERS, YOU PASS THIS UP, YOU BELONG IN THE LOONY BIN."

"OK, G.M., MAYBE THAT'S WHERE I'LL END UP. BUT I MEAN IT, I'LL NEVER PLAY 'FINAL FLIGHT' UNLESS THE ENDING IS CHANGED."

"CHANGE THE END? WHAT'S THAT BUT THE WHOLE DAMN POINT OF THE STORY? BUTCHY, HARD-MOUTHED DAME, 'ANYTHING A MAN CAN DO I CAN DO BETTER.' WINS ALL THE TROPHIES, SOLOS THE ATLANTIC, MARRIES A MILLIONAIRE WHO CAN BUY HER ALL THE PLANES AND LICENSES SHE WANTS. SO WHAT'S LEFT BUT THE PACIFIC? MAD AS HELL BECAUSE SHE CAN'T SOLO THAT, AND BIG BRASS WON'T OK A DAME FOR HER COPILOT. SO TAKES IT OUT ON THE POOR GUY THAT'S STUCK IN WITH HER, MAKES HIM NOTHING BUT A GREASE-MONKEY. ONLY ALL THE TIME SHE'S GETTING MEANER, UNDERNEATH SHE REALLY WANTS HIM BUT DON'T

KNOW IT. SO THEY CRASH ON SOME ISLAND, HE SAVES HER, HER SHELL